I pray that you would groan for me in words unspeakable, uttered by spirit in this time of need.
You know the depths and the heights of these massive swells.
Fighting for the surface I am violently pulled under by the roll of the wave...
Bouncing, smacking, spinning...
Fear bubbles up...Life cannot sustain here long, breath is running out.
The will resists for now, the urge to be consumed in froth and foam...
Time passes, thoughts turn with the tide.
Small grains of sand,
of self righteousness
of unavoidable conflict
of ANGER...Chafe the soul
Spit out, mouth full of grit.
Wanting to do right, wanting righteousness!
Sorrow upon sorrow...
Endurance, "Is this about how much I can take?"
“I can take no more!” I say that with every pushing, pulling, toss.
“A rag doll?”
“Is that what you want?”
“A woman of no resistance?”
“A worm and not a viper?”
“A woman who is no longer rubbed sore by people, by life, by circumstance?”
“A woman whose focus is no longer my own imperfections and sin?”
“A woman hollowed out, moldable, willing?”
“A woman willing to go and live abundantly in this life you have given me?”
To Live full, To Love full,
in the hard,
in the brokenness
undistracted, unmoved, unaltered....Lifted above
Your ways are not my ways, your thoughts are not my thoughts.
I need your courage! I am fainthearted....
You alone hear and know unto understanding what I am going through and what I need.
You alone can calm this storm,.
You alone can direct, like a channel of water, the hearts of men and woman.
You alone can use the folly and sin of others to bring your children into needed maturity.
You alone can open the blind eye to its own shortcomings.
You alone have eye's to see that which is known or unknown to your children.
You alone can fill us with everlasting love
You alone can use us as channels of that love to others.
You alone can extend grace as cure for our preoccupation with self.
I am incapable without you.
Set me free from the preoccupation with self.
It is a limited vision...It see's only the good and bad of that which concerns itself.
It is you who binds me up.
It is you who I can fellowship with in the presence of my enemies.
It is you who makes me still.
It is you who keeps me from falling
It is your staff that guards, protects and leads.
It is you who creates protection for me in Christ...
Once for all you have positioned me in the sphere of your grace.
Yet progressively, one knowable issue at a time, you give me the mind of Christ through your written word.
You transform me day by day..
It is you and this very praise of you that you use to ignite and fan the flame of the candle that is about to be snuffed out. You have given me the necessary weapon of warfare; praise. It is my choice to proclaim who you are and what you are like. The enveloping garment of praise is a cure for heaviness.
The swelling waves are consumed by praise!