Friday, April 8, 2011

Swelling Waves, Rising Praise

Oh Lord,
I pray that you would groan for me in words unspeakable, uttered by spirit in this time of need. 
You know the depths and the heights of these massive swells.
Fighting for the surface I am violently pulled under by the roll of the wave...
Bouncing, smacking, spinning...

Fear bubbles up...Life cannot sustain here long, breath is running out.

The will resists for now, the urge to be consumed in froth and foam...

Time passes, thoughts turn with the tide.

Small grains of sand,
of judgement,
of self righteousness
of division
of abandonment
of pride
of unavoidable conflict
of ANGER...Chafe the soul

Spit out, mouth full of grit.

Wanting to do right, wanting righteousness!

Sorrow upon sorrow...

Endurance, "Is this about how much I can take?"

“I can take no more!” I say that with every pushing, pulling, toss.

“A rag doll?”

“Is that what you want?”

“A woman of no resistance?”

“A worm and not a viper?”

“A woman who is no longer rubbed sore by people, by life, by circumstance?”

“A woman whose focus is no longer my own imperfections and sin?”

“A woman hollowed out, moldable, willing?”

“A woman willing to go and live abundantly in this life you have given me?”

To Live full, To Love full,
in the hard,
in the brokenness
undistracted, unmoved, unaltered....Lifted above

Your ways are not my ways, your thoughts are not my thoughts.

I need your courage! I am fainthearted....

You alone hear and know unto understanding what I am going through and what I need.
You alone can calm this storm,.
You alone can direct, like a channel of water, the hearts of men and woman.
You alone can use the folly and sin of others to bring your children into needed maturity.
You alone can open the blind eye to its own shortcomings.
You alone have eye's to see that which is known or unknown to your children.
You alone can fill us with everlasting love
You alone can use us as channels of that love to others. 
You alone can extend grace as cure for our preoccupation with self.

I am incapable without you.

Set me free from the preoccupation with self. 

It is a limited vision...It see's only the good and bad of that which concerns itself.

It is you who binds me up.

It is you who I can fellowship with in the presence of my enemies.

It is you who makes me still.

It is you who keeps me from falling

It is your staff that guards, protects and leads.

It is you who creates protection for me in Christ...
Once for all you have positioned me in the sphere of your grace.
Yet progressively, one knowable issue at a time, you give me the mind of Christ through your written word.
You transform me day by day..

It is you and this very praise of you that you use to ignite and fan the flame of the candle that is about to be snuffed out. You have given me the necessary weapon of warfare; praise. It is my choice to proclaim who you are and what you are like. The enveloping garment of praise is a cure for heaviness.

The swelling waves are consumed by praise!

Thank you

Saturday, April 2, 2011



The eldest son of my heart recently had the opportunity to participate with a church team doing odd service jobs around town. From painting to yard work he got his hands dirty and poured sweat for those who could not do it themselves. He was blessed in blessing others...

The last job his team was assigned to was at a christian concert event...Bands, dirt bikes and the like. He helped set up and pass out flyer's. Before he left, his daddy went to the ATM to get him food money.
Uriah ignored hunger to buy a shirt. Wise boy! He said, “food wouldn't last but a shirt would.” 
At least a little while longer...
It's a black and white of Jesus and Peter walking on the water. 
The picture depicts the part of the story where no boat can be seen. 
Just Jesus, some crashing waves and Peter.

Peter, waist deep in the waves of broken focus took his eyes off of the One that sustains him. 
At the bottom of the shirt, in scrolling letters, it says “RELIANCE.”

I have lived the zealot, running forward, diving in, loaded with expectation of the end result, and
pushing headlong into something I thought I could control only to find water pooling around me. 
My attention fixed on murky waters. 
Me Sinking lower and lower. 
I hate sinking...sinking is the mirror that shows how much of me is really operating. 

Knowing the true nature of me though humbling, is my way to Him. 
It is what makes failure useful in His economy.
It is the instrument that has potential to draw me to Him. 
When I am a breaking, sinking ship I call out to Him.
My priorities change, my gaze alters...
I am empty of the ability to pull myself up by the bootstraps.
When I am empty of me, there is space.
A starving dehydrated man can become sick if He gulps and slurps...It's too much
He fills my cup to overflowing and bids me drink sips at a time...
It is God who places my feet upon the rock. 
Stability within Him, 
Reliance upon Him.

I love the rescue
God has not made it hard for us to come to Him, to trust Him...
If anything, He has consumed the hardest part to clear a path for us unto peace.

Obedience requires reliance 
Rest requires reliance. 
Love and kindness requires reliance...
Hardships, sufferings, relationships, LIFE, they all require reliance upon God.
It takes reliance on Him to deal with what I am without condemnation...
It takes reliance on Him to know that I am growing despite what I see...
It takes reliance to entrust others to Him...

He is trustworthy...Life IS hard, but He is trustworthy.

Knowing intimately, with certainty that Gods character is continuously faithful, good, all knowing, kind, loving, and all powerful enables our reliance. Reliance is based on facts not wishes...We are not "hoping" for assistance but rather we know we have His presence, His attention, and His provision in every instance no matter how large or how small.

Reliance...A practice of looking to my Father who is able. 
To no longer live under the assumption that I am capable of handling even the smallest of thing on my own.  I can do nothing without Him! 

Reliance is a word for all seasons, all struggles.

Being sick has afforded me countless opportunities to cast myself and all situations upon God.

It is not a perfect practice. I walk on water, sink, then get bailed out of murky waters by truth. The truth sets free.

I keep walking forward reliant on Him...

God; The Essential Part Of Coping With Any Difficult News

There is great potential, to initially swallow, hook, line, and sinker what the physician says. It is true of any shocking news or tragedy, the cold hard facts are served up on a platter and we force feed the HARD down into the depth of us... We regurgitate and chew the sour facts for a time, indigestion...upset...

The initial diagnosis/proclamation over us can feel like a banner of doom, a symbol of forever. The missing ingredient; God and faith.

As a believer, this world does not get my forever.

Bad News must be seasoned with faith. 
God is not surprised by this difficulty or my response to it. 
He knows all the facts. 
My life, ALL my life is written in His book. He is in control of the outcome. He is trustworthy because He IS good, loving, righteous and all powerful.

Fear spends all its time imagining every possible scenario and solution. We think it is up to us to live this "new normal." 
We can only think as far as our own strength.
No wonder we get balled up, desperate fearful and bitter...

Faith is resting in the fact that God will make a way. Has already made a way!

I go through this process with every Dr's visit...The duration that it takes me to apply God and faith is becoming shorter...I guess like all things, it too takes practice..
How would we practice and grow in faith without trial?!